


uzumaki naruto and the case of the potential serial killer

by chadsuke



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-07 20:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21463930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chadsuke/pseuds/chadsuke
Summary: Konoha Koffee has a brand new, weirdo regular, and Naruto's head over heels. He buys a shitton of gift cards but never uses them, most likely has a thousand stolen credit cards in his wallet, routinely gets arrested, sometimes comes in covered in blood or other suspicious substances, tosses around money like it's nothing yet dresses like trash, and falls asleep in the same booth every single time. Naruto wants to know. He wants to know SO BAD.Sasuke just likes mochas.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 24
Kudos: 188





	1. Money and Mochas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes. this is a coffee shop au. no, i'm not sorry.

Naruto has to admit, working at Konoha Koffee isn’t a _horrible _gig. It’s definitely not his favorite thing by any means, but it’s not… the worst? His coworkers are nice, and he likes talking to the friendly regulars. The pay is enough above minimum it’s worth mentioning, he genuinely does like making coffee, and the freebies he gets are nice for a starving college student.

He worked at a brewery before this, and there were _no _food freebies. He was always hungry and it was the actual worst.

It’s hard to remember that he actually likes this place when he’s kneedeep in the morning rush, though.

Cars keep pulling up in the drivethrough and fortunately he only gets a customer or two in the actual store, but since Kiba accidentally broke the bell on the door two days ago he has to keep glancing over because customers can be fucking _stupid _and somehow miss the bell on the counter, clearly labelled, _right in front of them _and then they’re irritated and he’s trying to paste on his best customer service smile while telling the pissed lady in the drivethrough to hang on just one moment and he’ll get her order and Hinata’s frantically running around making the coffees as fast as he can because for some god damn reason they only scheduled two people this morning and-

Somehow they make it through alive.

They manage to send every asshole on their way with whatever ridiculous coffee drink they want – he really hates the people who think they’ve Hacked The System by ordering of the goddamn secret menu, oh no, he means the _Anbu menu god he hates corporations – _and then it’s time to deal damage control. Fortunately, Hinata is the kind who pays attention to who she’s scheduled with (Naruto just shows up and hopes for the best) and had let him know it was just the two of them so they came in a tiny bit early to set everything up.

So far, no one’s been on them about occasionally doing that as long as they don’t hit OT, so now it’s just time to wipe shit down, get more coffee going, and-

Naruto does a double take and stops. There’s… a customer chilling at one of the tables?

Okay, there’s been like. Three people who have physically come in, and Naruto knows this guy has not been one of those. Even if he hadn’t only served like three people, he’s pretty sure he would’ve remembered this guy.

Mostly cause he’s hot.

He’s got long black hair pulled back into a ponytail, really nice cheekbones, and awful looking clothes. (And Naruto knows awful clothes. The less said about his childhood wardrobe, the better.) Majorly grunge. They look great on him, but he also thinks the dude could be wearing medical scrubs and Naruto would think the same thing.

The guy is also seemingly asleep, leaning back against the back of the booth with his eyes closed, and Naruto closes his eyes. “Fuck,” he whispers. God, he hates corporations! Just gonna say it now.

Hinata hands over a latte to the customer in the drivethrough, and as soon as the window’s shut, glances over. “Naruto?” she signs, having apparently noticed him jerk to a stop.

Naruto sighs, and then signs back. “There’s a guy asleep over there,” he jerks his thumb in the appropriate direction and she glances over, brow furrowing, before refocusing on him. “I don’t really want to wake him up, but…”

Sometimes they glance in on the cameras. Sakura had gotten in trouble last week for letting someone chill in a booth who hadn’t bought anything, and she didn’t even do it on purpose, she just hadn’t _noticed. _Naruto’s been late enough times that he really can’t afford another talking-to/potential write up, and he scratches the back of his head with a sigh.

“I can do it,” Hinata offers up, as if she isn’t an angel saint of a person. “I could wake him…”

It’s a tempting offer, to let Hinata go be the asshole, but honestly Naruto doesn’t want anyone to be an asshole today. “Nah,” he signs instead. “I’ll use my freebie coffee on him.”

Her eyes widen a little and then soften with warmth. She’s always super nice to him, and he tries to do the same. “Okay,” she signs. “That’s really nice of you, Naruto.”

He just sort of shrugs, feeling his cheeks heat up a little, and then busies himself making the dude a dark chocolate mocha. Cause like, why not? The milk gives him pause for a moment before he decides to go with soy milk, since he’s pretty sure that more people are lactose intolerant than are allergic to soy (it sounds like a familiar statistic), but just to be sure, he grabs a sticky note and writes ‘Dark Chocolate Soy Mocha’ carefully on it in his shitty, shitty handwriting and then plops it right on the lid. Dude will have to pull it off to drink it (if he does). He can’t miss it.

Naruto bops around the counter, doing his best to be quiet as he goes and gently sets the drink on the table in front of the guy. Fuck, this close, he looks even more exhausted. The bags under his eyes are deep, and Naruto’s even gladder he decided to use his freebie on him.

Either way, the dude’s still passed out, and now he has a drink in front of him, and nobody can get mad so everything’s good.

Hinata and Naruto handle the drive through for a little bit longer before Hinata goes back to do back-of-the-house work which is. Uh. It’s inventory, Naruto thinks? She’s been here longer than him and he’s never been trained on that so he’s not sure about the details, but either way he’s up front alone and he can handle the customers they get, since it’s slow time.

He deals with the drive through just fine, as well as the customers wandering in through the front. It’s only once Hinata emerges to help prep for the lunch rush that the mysterious sleeping customer finally wakes up.

Naruto doesn’t see him doing it – he’s not that much of a stalker, of course – but he turns on the sound of a throat clearing and sees the man standing there. “Oh, uh, hey!” he says, awkward as fuck as ever, and moves the few steps to the counter. “You’re awake.”

He inclines his head just slightly, fiddling with the drink with his right hand. “What does this say?” he asks, his voice just slightly raspy, likely from sleep, and he offers Naruto the little post-it note that he had written.

Shit, was his handwriting that bad? Apparently. “Uh.” His cheeks are warm again. “I made you a dark chocolate soy mocha. I wanted you to know in case, I dunno, you were allergic or something.”

The man’s brow furrows. His dark eyes are intense. “Why?”

“Uh,” because apparently Naruto is SUPER articulate today god damn it, “Corporate doesn’t, uh, like it when people are just chilling without getting anything? I can give a customer a freebie a day, so I just thought…” He shrugs, because he’s rapidly becoming aware that even if he and Hinata thought it was a nice thing to do, it might’ve come off as kind of weird. (Hinata’s literally ducked down behind the island so the dude can’t see her. He doesn’t get her sometimes.)

“I dunno, you looked tired. Didn’t want to wake you.”

That was, apparently, the right thing to say, because the intensity fades out of his eyes a little bit and he refocuses on the coffee. “…Thanks,” he says, and he goes to take a sip and then makes a face.

Naruto tries really really hard not to laugh. He manages, barely manages, but he does succeed in only smiling. “Sorry, I dropped that off over an hour ago. I’ll make you a new one.” He moves, starting to grab the stuff before the customer can even say a word.

He does, after a moment. “…You won’t get in trouble?”

“Nah,” Naruto says, shaking his head. “Remaking a cold drink should be cool. I’ve done it before. Soy still fine?”

“Yeah.”

They’re quiet, and Hinata comes out of hiding, meets the customer’s eyes, and then promptly pretends he isn’t there to start the coffee. “So,” Naruto says, cause he’s curious like that. “Do you have a name?”

“Yes.”

That’s all he gets, and when Naruto glances over, the customer’s smirking. He scowls at him. “Okay, what is it?”

“Sasuke,” he says, amused. “And you’re…” He squints at Naruto’s nametag, and then apparently unable to read it, glances up to meet Naruto’s eyes.

“Naruto,” he helpfully supplies over the frothing milk, which he then pours in the drink and slaps a lid on, passing it over to Sasuke. “Try it. Tell me what you think.”

He watches, vaguely curious, as the guy takes a quick sip. Sasuke’s eyes widen and then soften. “It’s good,” he says, and Naruto beams.

“Course it is.” It’s his usual, after all. He stretches, hearing his spine crackle. “Anything else I can do for you?”

Sasuke doesn’t answer right away, considering. “It’s warm in here,” he says after a moment. “You have plugs, Wi-Fi, and bathrooms for customers. But only for customers, right?”

This is a really weird line of questioning, but Naruto’s good at rolling with weird. “Uh, yeah?”

He reaches into the pocket of his hoodie, pulling out a card and setting it on the counter. “I’d like $700 worth of $20 gift cards, then,” he says.

“What the fuck,” Naruto says, and he’s not even sorry for swearing.

* * *

Hinata has to process all of the thirty-five gift cards for him, _what the fuck is that number, _cause she can’t do drive through, and when she’s finally done the lunch rush is definitely here, so he can’t really do much aside from watch him pull out a small plastic bag, scoop the gift cards into it, drop some money in the tip jar, and then mosey out, bag on his single arm and now-lukewarm drink in his single hand.

(Later, after the rush, Naruto finds two $100 bills folded nicely in the jar. “What the _fuck,_” he tells Hinata, again, because seriously what other words do you use.)

It’s not, thankfully, the last time he sees him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!!!!!
> 
> for ppl who have read my fics before and are probably like 'grell what the fuck are you doing starting a new fic you haven't been updating', i'm sorry! i actually kind of uh just moved to south korea? so i've been busy lol. i'm trying to get out that next ftcoye chapter, and i have the beginning mostly solved and the end DEFINITELY solved but the in-between is really. killing me a little. but i'm working on it it's coming!!
> 
> anyway i just kind of wanted to write the cliche to end all cliches. coffee shop au. except sasuke is a cryptid so life is fun. i wanted to write some bs romance stuff and pining and shit with, u know, them as Fully Grown Adults so it's time to have fun with these disasters! idk when i'll update but this chapter only took me like an hour so prob soon especially if ftcoye continues to kill me.
> 
> thanks so much for reading folks!! as always u can catch me at **ftcoye** on tumblr. shoot me an ask or smth i don't bite.


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto swears he comes in every single day. Also wearing the exact same ratty hoodie, every single day? He can’t be 100% positive, since he doesn’t WORK every day since that’d be overtime and there’s no way that’s allowed (also he like, needs to sleep and do homework and other various Parts Of Life), plus he doesn’t work the same shift every day, but almost every single day that he works, Sasuke’s there.

(He does double check with a few coworkers just to make sure that like, the dude’s not stalking him or anything. Nope, still comes in when Naruto’s got a day off, or comes in before/after his shift.)

He’s been… trying not to be weird about it. He has. He really, truly, has. Yeah some people are weird, and yeah some customers are weird – okay customers more than people tend to be weird, let’s be honest – but like…

_The dude is fucking weird._

Naruto doesn’t check him out every time – though he does try to give a wave or something if he can, cause he likes to build up rapport with regulars – but every time he has or has managed to peek over, it’s never been a gift card. Despite the fact that the dude bought a shitton of gift cards, and it’s nowhere near any holiday that Naruto knows of so it probably wasn’t for that, he never uses them. Naruto has started fucking _checking, _every time he DOES see a gift card in the register when he comes in. Who used it??

And it’s never Sasuke.

Maybe it’s like extra double triple creepy that he noticed this, too, but he’s pretty sure Sasuke hasn’t paid with the same card twice. Well, okay, he might have but he seems to have a LOT of cards. There’s a lot of different colors he sticks into the little card reader, and Naruto can’t HELP but notice that okay, Sasuke used a gold card today and a purple card the day before and a RED card the day before that-

Oh my god, forget Sasuke, _Naruto’s _the one turning into a stalker.

But- But- the dude’s so INTERESTING that he doesn’t even feel like a bad person about it.

Just yesterday the dude came in with like five reusable grocery bags hanging off his arms and he almost tipped over when he set them on the floor. “Just doing some shopping,” he said when Naruto had asked, but when he managed to peek over the counter to see what was in them, _every single one was filled with milk cartons._

Just. So much milk. Gallons of milk.

Sasuke picked up his mocha – same thing, every single time – thanks him, tips like $200 again, and then walked out with his shitton of milk.

Naruto wants to cry from how much this makes his head hurt. It’s like watching one of Shino’s weird art movies. He doesn’t understanddddddd.

Today, he’s last minute covering Sakura’s shift, who has to study for a medical exam or something (she like, always has them he SWEARS, med school sounds awful) and he’s super tired. Naruto hadn’t really been planning on coming in, so he hadn’t gone to bed as early as he needed to, and he’s almost drifting off against the counter. The morning rush is mostly ended, so it’s going to be fairly chill until lunch, which is why Kiba’s fucking off in the back.

Naruto doesn’t care – he’ll fuck off in the back after lunch rush, it’s their deal with each other – but for the moment, it means he just gently leans against the counter, eyelids heavy, and no one’s here…

Someone coughs and Naruto jerks. “Shit!” He snaps to attention, ready to finally lose his job because he swore super loudly in front of a customer, but – thank fucking god – it’s Sasuke. Naruto relaxes. “Dude, sor- Holy shit what happened to your face?”

Cause like, uh, what?

Sasuke’s eyes are red and puffy, like he’s been crying. There’s dirt streaked along his jaw and his hoodie seems a bit more worse for the wear as well. His hands rest on the counter, a few bandaids on them, and there’s a blood-soaked gauze patch taped to his temple. There’s no tension in his body, though, relaxed – or at least, he WAS relaxed until Naruto blurted that out like an idiot. “I’m fine,” Sasuke says.

“Oh, bullshit,” Naruto says, and yeah okay he really shouldn’t be swearing in front of a customer like this, but he’s gotten enough of a grasp on this weirdo’s behavior that he doubts he’d like, report him to corporate or anything. Sasuke doesn’t have the right haircut, anyway. “Just- wait right here, okay?”

He’s not a track star, but he feels like one as he runs to the back, being careful even in his no-slips. “Oi, Kiba,” he calls, rounding the corner. Kiba’s planted in a chair that’s in their ‘hidden from the cameras’ corner, playing on his Vita, and he looks up with curiosity. “Can you man the counter? I gotta grab the first aid kit.”

Curiosity swaps to alarm. “Dude, are you okay?” he asks, getting up and yanking his apron back on.

Naruto shakes his head. “Not me- Er.” His cheeks darken, just a touch. “Sasuke’s here, and he’s hurt.”

“Ooooooh, your crush. Right.” Kiba winks, and Naruto can’t help his glare.

“He’s _hurt_, okay? Can you just- take care of any other customers?”

“Yeah, yeah, I gotcha.”

Naruto bundles everything he’ll need out of the cabinet mounted on the wall and heads back up, crossing to the other side of the counter and up to Sasuke, who looks startled. “Come on, let’s grab a booth in the corner,” he says, and leads the way over.

Sasuke sighs, but follows. “I told you, I’m fine…”

“My best friend’s in med school, she’d literally skin me alive if I didn’t help,” Naruto says. He stops in the most tucked-away booth in the coffee shop. “Sit.” Sasuke sits, and Naruto drops his stuff all over the counter. “She’s taught me a few things, so just… chill and I’ll handle it, okay?”

Sasuke doesn’t respond at first, and Naruto realizes with a sudden pang that okay, he’s kind of majorly overstepping his boundaries here. He wouldn’t do this with any of the other regulars – he imagines shoving Neji into a corner like this and yeah no Hinata’s cousin would literally kill him. He barely knows Sasuke, too, in comparison to someone like Neji. Sure, he’s built up this whole thing in his mind and has been kind of obsessing over him just a tad too hard, but Sasuke doesn’t actually _know _him and Naruto can count on his fingers the amount of times they’ve interacted and-

“…Fine,” Sasuke mutters. “Just. Fast, okay? I have someplace to be.”

“Alright,” Naruto says, definitely more than a little surprised he’s not about to get colossally chewed out, but whatever. He’s definitely not complaining.

He grabs a chair from a nearby table and sits and then carefully peels off the tape that holds the gauze to Sasuke’s head. The blood is long dried, the gauze sticking to the wound, and Sasuke winces as Naruto tries to pull it off gently but there’s not really much he can do to stop it from hurting. Once he gets it off, he studies the spot. It’s not… actively bleeding. From hours ago or last night or something. Less than 24 hours old for sure, because he didn’t have it yesterday when he came by with all that milk.

It looks like something hit him right there, something hard, and Naruto swallows sharply. Focus. Focus.

He takes out a wipe and carefully wipes away at the blood, being as gentle as he can, until it’s gone. There’s a bruise underneath, swallowing up whatever cut is there, but it’s not bleeding anymore so that’s good. Everything must’ve… looked much worse than it really was, and when Naruto cleans the dirt off Sasuke’s face, he feels silly.

“Sorry,” he says. “Guess I didn’t really need all that…”

Sasuke shrugs. “It’s okay.” He glances at the discarded gauze and winces a little. “I… did not realize that that’s what it looked like.” He sounds uncomfortable, and Naruto tries not to squirm in his seat.

“Um, I know we don’t really know each other, but…” He has to ask this. He has to, or he’ll regret it. “No one’s… hurting you, right?” Something _hit _him there and his eyes look like he was _crying _and there’s a million scenarios Naruto can think up from this that would explain at least some of his odd behavior, but he doesn’t want to assume anything or go too far down that rabbit hole. “Sorry, I know that’s personal, but…”

It’s a weird thing for a stranger to ask, and Sasuke definitely looks surprised, but something in his face softens and he shakes his head. “No. I…” He grimaces. “I got into a fight. That’s it.”

Oh. That.

Okay that actually makes a lot of sense too.

Naruto can’t help but flush at that, terribly embarrassed. “Right, um!” He stands up abruptly. He realizes he was actually so focused that he has no idea if any customers came in while he was tending to Sasuke, but Kiba’s wearing a shit-eating face from the counter, so he probably saw all or most of that. “Should I get your usual?”

Sasuke looks confused. “My… usual?”

“Your mocha?”

“…How did you know I was going to order a mocha?”

Naruto gives him the most unimpressed look he can muster. “You order the same thing every single time.”

“…Right.”

He whips up that mocha as fast as can be, and Sasuke doesn’t linger this time to sleep in a booth, instead hustling out the door faster than he’s ever moved, and yeah, it’s official, Naruto crossed into weird stalker territory. “Kibaaaa,” he complains, slumping over the counter, eyes glazed. “I fucked up so hard. Why did you let me talk to him on only like, two hours of sleep. He thinks I’m a creepy pushy stalker guy now.”

Kiba snickers. “Is he wrong?”

Naruto trips him. “Shut up.” Cause yeah, okay, Naruto is a creepy pushy stalker guy now. It’s okay. He’s accepted his fate. Sasuke’s never coming back cause he freaked out too hard and fucking. Tenderly cleaned Sasuke’s face oh my god how did he manage to do that his face _burns._

_He’s such a weirdo oh my god why did he ever think Sasuke was weird it’s Naruto. It’s absolutely Naruto and now he’s never coming back and-_

(When he checks the tip jar at the end of the shift, Sasuke left $300, this time. He shows up the next day and doesn’t mention a single word about the day before. _What the fuck._)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i uploaded this in the brief time where i am in the new decade, in 2020, and the western world is not. so for many of you, we're in different decades right now :P
> 
> i hope u like, thanks for reading, and enjoy the last day of 2019! also you can find me on tumblr as **ftcoye**, if you'd like, where i take drabble prompts.
> 
> see you next time!


End file.
